Black Tears - The story behind the song

Black Tears was the penultimate song written for my forthcoming debut album Quicksilver – The Masquerade Macabre. It came as the response to the aftermath of an intense relationship – one of those ones that might feel great at the time but in retrospect was not a great idea. The original idea for the song was inspired by a chance comment whilst making one of my videos and slowly formed into its own story, linking the feelings that when a relationship ends, we often have nothing material to ‘keep’ apart from memories – and that the sometimes obsessive sadness that comes out of a break up can blind us to the possibilities around us – a trap that I know I’ve fallen into many times and I hope others can relate to. The demands we place on the ones we love can sometimes be unrealistic – the hope that someone will love us ‘forever’ or ‘until the end of time’ are unreasonable and of course cut short by our own mortality if nothing else. On a bleak note, the theme of drowning is mentioned in the lyrics, which also comes up in the ‘B-side’ Mad Bad World. There’s also a clue to who the song is about in there too, but I’ll leave that to the Jane Marples and Hercule Poirots amongst you.

The full (album) version of the song is structured like a ‘sandwich’, with an ‘introduction’ and ‘epilogue’ that are almost the same apart from a small lyrical change that suggests the narrator hasn’t really learnt from his journey. I struggled to cut the song down to the supposedly more palatable ‘perfect three minutes’ so there’s still one slice of the sandwich at the beginning on the single edit. 

People often ask how songs are written: ‘Which do you write first? The words or the music?’ Often, as was the case with this song, the approach is more like a collage or a painting – I had fragments of lyrics and some of the riffs in my head and it took time to piece them together – though I had an idea of the chorus, structure and some of the arrangements in my head for a long time before we started recording. This and another song replaced two numbers that I was never quite happy with and I’m quite glad that I added it ‘at the last minute’.

As with most of the songs on the album, the song was recorded in lots of different places, the vocals in my home studio, guitars at the guitarist Alex Steer’s apartment and the bass and drums added by Paul White and James Johnston at Shock and Awe Studios. I made some errors in recording so had to record the backing vocals with Alice Redmond and Anna-Marie O’Sullivan twice, but I think we actually gave better performances the second time round as we all knew the song a lot better. The build in the second bridge is quite tricky; there are some notes of slightly superhuman length, which will be a challenge to reproduce live.

I’ve still yet to find anyone who can pin down who the song sounds like, which is frustrating when trying to promote the song in a press release, but also feels like a nice compliment – hopefully it has its own sound. In my head I was hoping to create a sonic world similar to the style of an old Dusty Springfield or Petula Clark number, which I think is complimented very nicely by Alex Steer’s guitar that reminds me of the playing on David Bowie’s version of Wild Is The Wind. I’m very proud of the arrangement of this song as much of the work was my own and it’s more or less what I heard in my head when I first dreamt it up. Plus it’s evidence that something good can come out of a situation that at the time can feel unendingly painful and unpleasant.

Black Tears will be released through iTunes on 5 November and is currently available for pre-order on Amazon.

Image by Robert Piwko / Bryon Fear (c) 2012

Black tears rolling down my skin

Black from all the bitterness that burns within

My black heart, beating in my breast

Remembering the one I always loved the best

All you gave me were things that I can’t keep

Schemes and daydreams to drown me in my sleep

All you left me were things that I can’t see

Black tears – black tears have blinded me

‘Give me your hand’ you said, as you led me into the blue

I softly bowed my head and said ‘My lord, I’ll follow you’

Through fields of make believes I walked three steps behind

As you sped on ahead, I tried to read your mind

Will you love me?

Will you be mine?

Will you stay with me until the end of time?

All you gave me were things that I can’t keep

Schemes and daydreams to drown me in my sleep

All you left me were things that I can’t see

Black tears – black tears have blinded me

So I made my bed, let you lie right by my side

And as you slept I wept, for fears I’d tried to hide

Concealing feelings that I couldn’t quite control

Made you a part of me, the half to make me whole

Will you still love me?

Will you still be mine?

Will you stay with me until the end of time?

All you gave me were things that I can’t keep

Schemes and daydreams to drown me in my sleep

All you left me were things that I can’t see

Black tears – black tears have blinded me

All you gave me were things that I can’t keep

Schemes and daydreams to drown me in my sleep

All you left me were things that I can’t see

Black tears – black tears have blinded me

Mad Bad World - The story behind the song

Mad Bad World was written in 2008 and has been a staple of my live appearances since then, pretty much becoming my ‘signature’ song. It was the only number I managed to complete for an aborted musical I planned to write called Murder On The Dancefloor. An independent television producer who had seen my musical Postcards from God approached me to write a vehicle for enfant terrible drag sensation (and former dancer) Jonny Woo – and the resulting story was a murder mystery with Jonny as enfant terrible drag sensation (and former fashion designer) ‘Marc La Mode’. Part Paris Is Burning, part Theatre Of Blood, the outlandish and highly unlikely story followed Marc and his entourage being picked off by a sinister killer in a series of grisly and incredibly camp murders. The treatment caught the eye of a producer from the Arcola Theatre’s Grimeborne festival and we hoped to present a semi-staged version of selected songs featuring Jonny and several rising stars of the alternative gay cabaret scene. Mad Bad World was written for the character of ‘Mahogany’, a larger than life (and perpetually stoned) ukulele wielding bearded drag queen to be played by Le Gateau Chocolat. The song was Mahogany’s ‘torch song’ where she looks back at her wasted life after the murder of another of her close friends (and just before being battered to death with her ukulele and thrown into a canal).

The song is a little unusual as it is written very low in the voice (I am a bass baritone and Le Gateau has an even lower range than I do) and originally the song stayed in that register throughout. My musical collaborator Michael Roulston suggested switching an octave higher two thirds of the way through the song which certainly added a lot of drama to what could have been a bit of a dirge otherwise. The song was always meant to be reminiscent of the music from Twin Peaks and the other soundtracks composer Angelo Badalamenti has composed for the films of David Lynch and think we’ve managed to capture that ‘dark jazz’ feel. I sang the song as one of my audition pieces for a vocal course led by world renowned vocal coach Mary King at the South Bank Centre as part of her Voicelab programme. It felt great to sing the song again when I was invited to perform at Paul Burston's Polari at the same venue. I had spread my wings and so had the song.

This recording is actually the third version of the song. We made a demo version that I used as a backing track for live gigs, but I felt like it needed a different treatment and started an alternative version. The original demo was recorded ‘colla voce’ – the musicians follow the tempo of my singing – and in this song, the tempo varies quite a lot throughout . The new version was done to a strict tempo and didn’t really work. We tried adding drums to the original demo but it was very difficult to keep everything in time, so we decided to record the song live at Shock and Awe Studios with Michael on piano, Tom Mansi on double bass and James Johnston on drums. Synths and strings were added on afterwards by myself and Nick Trepka. This was the third and final take and I was very pleased with the result, which has been described as the soundtrack to a drinking competition between between Nick Cave and Tom Waits, a great compliment I think.

If you haven't done so already, you can get a free download of Mad Bad World by joining the mailing list at my website. Visit: http://www.reevescorner.co.uk/music.html

Photo by Robert Piwko (c) 2010

Look around

At all the madness going down

Sometimes you’ve got to find a way

To drown your sorrows

Maybe get a little high

To chase the dragons all away

I drink and I drink and I drink and I drink

‘Til I’m drowning

From crying and crying and crying

The whole night through

‘Cause it’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

That makes me blue

When friends have two faces

And they tear your heart apart

Life starts splitting at the seams

You feel like you’re crawling

On your hands and on your knees

Down that boulevard of broken dreams

Night after night after night after night

I’m still falling

From trying and trying and trying and trying

To make it through

But I can’t break on through

‘Cause it’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

That makes me blue

If you ask me ‘What’s your poison?’

I wouldn’t know quite what to say

‘Cause I’ve been killing myself for all these years

Dying slowly, slowly

Every day

‘Cause it’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

It’s a mad bad world

That makes me blue

That makes me blue

Blue

Secret Transmissions

Friends and fiends! You may have noticed that I’ve been working on an album. I’m keeping it under wraps as much as I can, BUT I will be giving a few preview performances before the full release and launch party later in the year.

On Thursday May 19^th I’ll be performing at Jonny Woo’s new night Drag Lab at Bistrotheque alongside some of London’s most avant garde trans performers and Jonny himself.

Then on Tuesday June 7^th I’ll be back at Bistrotheque again as part of Lisa Lee’s fabulous UnderConstruction series with twenty minutes worth of music – perhaps staged, perhaps not, I don’t know yet. I tried out my show Three Zero as part of a previous UnderConstruction season and it’s a fantastic platform for artists to try out work in front of a clever audience.

I’ve now written nine of the twelve songs that make up the record and I’m hoping to have it all done before the first full preview at the Battersea Barge as part of the RVT's Hot August Fringe on Tuesday August 23^rd, which is a tryout for the launch party at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on Thursday October 27^th. The launch will be staged and I’m planning quite a show.

Between all these dates there are a handful of club PA’s that I might be involved in – watch this space!

Sunshine and Sighs

Back in 2002, I went to see TABOO, Boy George’s musical about his rise to fame, mirrored by the story of the fall of performance artist Leigh Bowery. I had been an off and on fan of Boy George for some time (the first record I ever bought as a kid was Karma Chameleon). On first hearing about the show I expected to hate it, but once I did actually see it, I was blown away (rather like my first experience of Hedwig and the Angry Inch). With the songs revolving in my head time after time after time, I went back several times, becoming quite obsessed with the show – so obsessed that when I heard it was transferring to Broadway, it convinced me to sign up for the Stonewall New York Equality Walk and kill two birds with one stone.

Fascinated by the peculiar phenomenon of Boy George himself playing Leigh Bowery (I say this because people I know who regularly went to the club Taboo assure me that he and Leigh rarely spoke and certainly were not friends, as he claims) I wrote a song called ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ and roped in some friends to make an accompanying pop video. I was fascinated with the idea of one performer taking on another performer’s persona – Leigh Bowery has such an iconic image that it has almost become a product in itself – and as Boy George made a facsimile of it – was I copying Boy George, or copying Boy George copying Leigh Bowery?

The video was filmed on location in my mum’s house (with original 70s wallpaper), the director’s Italo Ali’s flat in Vauxhall and at the Cambridge Theatre, where we managed to take over Michael Brandon’s dressing room before he came in to play Jerry Springer in Jerry Springer: The Opera.

It gathered dust on Italo’s computer for a long time, not really being shown properly until my one-man retrospective show ‘Three Zero’ in 2009, so I am very pleased to announce that video artist Nathan Evans has included it in Sunshine Night Time, a celebration of Leigh Bowery’s life and work at the ICA on Friday April 1st. It will be such a thrill to have the film shown in such an auspicious setting. In fact – it sort of is a ‘coming full circle’ moment. In the lyrics of the song, when I say ‘I met you once and you were cold, balding fat and looking old’, I am referring to meeting Boy George many years ago in the ICA bar. Spooky!

But before we get to that, Wednesday March 30th is also an auspicious night. I feel very proud to have been a regular attendee to INCITE, a new LGBTQ poetry night held at First Out Café.

Led by Liz Willows of Camden LGBT Forum, Cel West and new addition James Clement de Grandprey-Hodge (yes, it’s his real name) the night is an intimate forum for established and emerging poets alike. I’ve been going since the first one last year and I have found it a really good motivation to write something new each month, plus it's a very diverse crowd which is always inspiring. So much so that after seeing the Allen Ginsberg film ‘Howl’ (which I would definitely recommend), it occurred to me that it was about time I had something to send out to prospective bookers and some ‘product’ to sell at the handful of spoken word gigs that come my way.

So I am very pleased to announce the launch of SIGHS TEN, a small collection of my writings from the last ten years. There are ten in total, with the title piece a new one written for the collection. As it’s not quite a book and the word ‘pamphlet’ sounds a bit throwaway to me, I was worrying about what to call it. Wikipedia brought up the term ‘chapbook’. As all the pieces are about men, I think that’s rather appropriate. So if you are free to come and celebrate the birth of my first chapbook, please do come down to First Out on Wednesday March 30th from 7 pm, where copies will be available after my reading for £3.00. Entry is free and it gets very crowded, so you’ll need to come early to get a seat. I will also be appearing on Out In South London on Resonance 104.4 FM with Rosie Wilby on Tuesday March 29th to talk about it.

Sighs Ten

They howled a holy, holy howl
Coyotes calling to the sun
Those two boys together clinging
On a rooftop in San Fran

A lover even greater
Than the great Jack Kerouac
My breath catches for a beat
And I sigh a sigh as I realise
His name was Peter

My midnight assignation
With a sexy, sweet blond Saffa
But no spooning by moonlight this time
Feeling cheated, I weep to sleep

In the morning I need reminding
Who is this knight in shining underpants?
I know I know his name
Seems rude to ask, but I ask again
I sigh a sigh as I realise
His name was Peter

I’m sorting through old toys
No time for sentiment as I decide
Which ones to keep, which ones to dump
Childhood memories lost in dust

A rabbit in a light blue jacket
Sucking on a carrot
His label laughs at me in stitches
I sigh a sigh as I realise
His name was Peter

‘Hey, how are you honey?’ my old housemate replies
‘Oh, you know, bearing up.
Listen, I called to ask a favour.’
‘Sure baby, what can I do to I help?’

So Sina lets me scour his sketches
Peruse his pictures for one I can use
Towards the latest in the line of my harebrained schemes
A document of my written dreams

I’m strangely drawn to a certain drawing
Of a Polish lad sat on the tube
I think he looks a bit like me
Then notice a note scrawled beside it that I hadn’t seen
I sigh a sigh as I realise it says:
‘His name was Peter’

My friend David is one of my heroes
It’s his art that drives his heart
He doesn’t believe in coincidence
But simple synchronicity
Time's tarot dealt with a dash of destiny

But I wish he hadn’t told me that
As I try and ignore the signs
That hover all around me
Slowly maddening my swirling mind

I’m shopping for my birthday party
I knew he’d never attend
Give me the gift of his presence
Never meet my friends

At the checkout, there he is
I’m invisible once again
A tin of pineapple in my fist
That tightens as I resist
Smashing it into the skull
I once found a precious treasure

As I pack my bags
He walks away
A stranger in a superstore
I sigh a sigh
His name was Peter


Copyright Marcus Reeves (c) 2011

Lavender Nights, Velvet Tongues, Misfits, Maestros and Blue, Blue Stars

January and February tend to be quiet months, with all of us nursing our hangovers (both literal and financial) after the festive season. However, here at Reeves Corner, they were a flurry of activity, with some very exciting happenings, mainly in the form of several live performances.

The new year began with the return of ‘Screwged!’, the RVT panto, with a one-off ‘X-Rated’ performance. It was good fun but rather messy. I for one have no recollection of the second half and offer my apologies for anyone who does! Shortly after came a very nice piece in Time Out by Paul Burston, which made my decade.

A few weeks later came the second outing of The Quicksilver Singers, a choir formed by myself and my musical director Michael Roulston for our gig last year as part of Wise Thoughts GFest at the Cochrane Theatre. This time we were joined by several new members for ‘Lavender Nights’, a fundraiser at the Rose & Crown in Walthamstow in aid of Positive East, a charity that helps HIV positive people in East London.

The whole shebang was curated by Michael and his partner, the inimitable Champagne Charlie and they pulled out all the stops with turns from the cream of London’s cabaret scene, including Tricity Vogue, Paul L Martin, Jonathan Hellyer, Marisa Karnesky and many others I am too addled to recall, including a wonderful burlesque artist who turned into a naked Bo Peep! A real highlight was the very sexy closing set from a young lady called Asya, who really will be one to watch. You heard it here first, punters!

As I walked into the building, Michael joked ‘Got your glitter?’ (meaning my holographic makeup), ‘Of course!’ I barked, only for my jaw to drop when I realised it wasn’t in my make-up bag after all! Luckily I had some green stuff Scottee had given me for ‘Screwged!’, but various people did wonder why I looked like The Incredible Hulk on a hen night. Now you know - sheer senility!

A week or so later, Michael and I performed as part of ‘David Hoyle’s Lives’, the latest run from the melancholy maverick at his home from home, the RVT. I felt so proud to be asked to take part by the show’s producer Dawn Right-Nasty. Dawn had handpicked the very best of the current cabaret and alternative music scene to complement David’s renegade performance antics and that night in particular felt especially auspicious for me as it was my birthday - marking two years since my solo retrospective show 'Three Zero', in which time I had come through high and low.

Doing the panto showed me that sometimes things come your way randomly, when you’re not trying – when you try too hard, you elude yourself. By plugging away and sometimes being second or third on the list instead of ‘top of the bill’, you are sometimes a better choice. As a venue, the RVT is a truly historic place – it’s been a home to many weird and wonderful performers over the years and I (literally) used to dream of performing there. I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of many shows under its rotting roof over the last few years and I hope that can continue for a while to come.

Our set at David’s night was great fun – we started with a very gloomy number called ‘Mad, Bad World’ and I chose to walk in from behind the audience. Poor Michael was left repeating the first four bars on a loop for about two minutes while I pushed through the frozen crowd. I sang the song amongst them and there was an unforgettable moment when I felt those members of the audience who hadn’t yet realised where I was slowly turn their gaze toward me – it was truly spine-tingling! Alongside performing with Elbow and hearing Sister Wendy hear one of my songs about her for the first time on Radio Two, it’s a moment I will always cherish and feel very privileged to have experienced. David also gave me a very nice introduction which I have quoted on my website – alongside the kind words from Elaine Paige and Sister Wendy, I think I now have all my bases covered!

Next up was my first ever ‘proper’ spoken word set as part of Ernesto Sarezale’s erotic poetry night ‘Velvet Tongue’ (named after a rather saucy sexual practice). My old housemate and good friend Sina Evil opened proceedings and other readers included Jonathan Kemp, author of ‘London Triptych’, a VERY good book, so I felt a little daunted. This was the first time I’d tried out what felt like a tangible group of poems, some new, some old – but I really enjoyed it and even got a nice mention in a review from Remotegoat, which said: ‘Marcus Reeves speaks about loving despair with humour and honesty’. They say never read or believe your reviews, (especially the good ones) but I think that’s a fair appraisal.

At the end of the month, Michael and I re-united for ‘The Double R Club’, a night of dark burlesque, music and mayhem inspired by David Lynch. I’d never been before but I really would recommend it – you get a lot of bang for your buck and with its mix of the absurd, surreal and sublime, the night is indeed very reminiscent of Lynch’s dark, anarchic world.

After a rather shambolic attempt at ‘Blue Velvet’ (on my part) Michael and I performed something of an exclusive. In the film ‘Blue Velvet’, Isabella Rosselini plays a night club chanteuse who one could safely say is rather down on her luck. In one scene, a montage, she sings and we hear the last few bars of an original song by David Lynch and his stalwart soundtrack composer, Angelo Badalamenti. I suggested to Michael that we complete what they had started. I was all over the place that night and murdered the song, so I won’t trouble you with an MP3, but here are our lyrics. Imagine me channeling Marianne Faithfull and Shirley Bassey and you’ll have a good idea of how it worked out!

BLUE STAR

Lynch/Badalamenti/Reeves/Roulston

A single star, so blue in the black above

Ever cold, ever old, never knowing love

Her light falls down on the streets of this town

That I walk along alone

A stranger’s kiss and danger’s touch, I give my all

But in the fading light of day I don’t get much at all

Though I may know you well I’ll never kiss and tell

There’s far too much for me to lose

Shadows, shadows, shadows fall so blue

As daylight fades from view

For just a dime, come buy my time, my body too

And when you leave and I’m alone, I’ll dream of you

But that blue star above is all I’ve left to love

As darkness falls around the room

Shadows, shadows, shadows fall so blue

As lonely as a blue, blue star

PS. Over the next few months I am re-establishing my mailing list - I've realised I'm far too dependent on Facebook etc. If you want to be added, please email marcus AT reevescorner.co.uk (with an @ instead of AT, in case you’re stoopid), along with your postal address.

PPS: Stay tuned for a very special announcement and put April 1st in your diaries for a high profile appearance of something from the vaults! (And no this is not an April Fools!)

(Photos featured by Danny Richman, Robert Piwko, Ant Smith, AbsolutQueer Photography, Sin Bozkurt (c) 2011)

Can you help me name my 'saucy' new poem? Best title received by Sunday 6th Feb gets a signed hand-written copy in the post!

Young man! You make my mouth water
I was vegetarian before
But after just one taste of you
I’m your carnivore

Every glistening glance is a feast for my eyes
From your succulent shanks to your tender thighs
Let me pluck you, prepare you, oil your skin
As I take a moment to drink you in

Your rippled nipples like walnut whips
Surrounded in whirls of curls
Your breast moist under my fingertips
Softer than any girl’s

Don’t talk with your mouth full
Or bite off more than you can chew
The only dish I’m laying on my table
Is a man-sized portion of you

Natural, organic, nothing canned
I’m going to bake this cake by hand
No recipe to tell me how to do it
Forget extra virgin – here’s my cruet, unscrew it

For once I won’t listen to the three second rule
I could eat you off the floor
You’ve given me an appetite
I want you sizzling hot, not raw

I think it’s time to turn you over
I’m not quite sure you’re done just yet
So I’ll prick you ‘til your juices run
And I sense the scent of your salty sweat

I’ll stroke the fur of your ripe white peach
Push apart the flesh for my mouth to reach
The freshest fruit, the ripest bite
Of your sweetest meat, your sinews tight

Yes, I will have my fill of you
Over breakfast, lunch and dinner
I’ll truly make a meal of you
Who cares about getting thinner

When I’ve got you to plump me up
To wet my lips, to fill my cup
Make me melt as I slowly thaw
Keep me coming back for seconds
Please sir, can I have some more?

Copyright Marcus Reeves © 2011

Confessions Of A Door Whore

As a gay man, I’m a total disaster
There are so many rules that I’m yet to master
From concealing my feelings, to working out
Building up my bubble butt and perfecting my pout

I never ever swallow, I always spit
And I’m not into fisting, or any of that kinky leather shit
But where I really fall down is in my taste in song
You see, my musical preferences are totally wrong

Lady Gaga and her poker face leave me cold
I can’t stand The Smiths if the truth be told
I find Kylie satanic and I can’t deny
That Jake Shears and the Scissor Sisters make me want to die

The Pet Shop Boys are a pair of techno twunts
I loathe grandma Cher and her auto-tuned grunts
Madonna is a meaningless, withered old witch
Barbra Streisand? Back to Vegas with the overblown bitch!

Judy! Judy! Judy! passed over right on time
I’m only sad that Liza didn’t follow right behind
But worst of all – and where I feel I’ve really failed
Is that I'd love to see Kate Bush publicly flailed

Copyright Marcus Reeves © 2010

Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a good festive break and the new year brings great things. I've certainly got big plans for 2011 and intend to keep you all more informed about what I'm up to via more regular blogs and newsletters to my mailing list.

2010

My main focus last year was a collaboration with musical director Michael Roulston on the Concept Cast Recording of Postcards from God - The Sister Wendy Musical. I was especially pleased when in December, Sister Wendy appeared on Graham Norton's show on BBC Radio 2 and they listened to 'Viva Sister Wendy!' live on air. You can hear them chatting on the show's Myspace page and listen and download all the songs for free at www.postcardsfromgod.co.uk.

November saw my inclusion for the fourth year running in LGBT arts festival Wise Thoughts GFest and Michael and I took to the stage in two shows at the Cochrane Theatre, joined by our new choir The Quicksilver Singers. You can hear the live demos we recorded at those gigs at www.myspace.com/marcusreeves.

January / February

The new year sees a series of live appearances. On Saturday January 22nd, The Quicksilver Singers will perform at Lavender Nights, a fundraiser for HIV charity Positive East. I will be celebrating my birthday on Thursday February 3rd at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern performing alongside anarchic performance artist David Hoyle and on Thursday February 17th, Michael and I will visit the Double R Club, paying tribute to all things David Lynch.

I hope you can make it along to one of the shows!

Best wishes for 2011

Marcus